one of the horrible outcomes of kinksters trying to mainstream unethical behavior is the amount of times i have to hear a discussion of rape or domestic violence by a survivor derailed by “hurr hur, maybe she likes being dominated”/”you should lie…
Sorry to tell you, abuse is fucking rampant in the community, especially those with more ‘known’, popular faces…
Well then, the rest of the community should speak out against it (like I am doing right now) because BDSM peeps usually are super wary of that kind of thing. At least, they should be. Idk. If I ever encounter somebody saying awful shit like that I swear I will tear them apart because BDSM has a bad enough reputation even without their shitty antics. *angry raptor noises*
….Could you point me in the direction of said shitty well known faces?
Shitty well known faces will generally depend where you live? I don’t live with you.
So - have you ever been the victim of sexual abuse and tried to speak out about it (let alone in a community that revolves around what others perceive as abuse)? You’re aware of what happens, right? The whole no one believes you, you just want attention, you’re gonna ruin this man’s life for no reason, etc? Gets worse, when it’s in THIS particular community: outsiders don’t believe you, members either defend the person’s reputation or are one of the shitwads in the original quote. Actually being believed - and, furthermore, something coming of it - are the most unlikely of options. Usually it’s you who comes out the worse.
I just mean to say - ‘safe, sane, consensual’ - great mantra it might be, it is not at all going to divert society’s usual course, and the BDSM community, when it comes down to it, is just another part of society. A typically white, middle-to-upper-class, privileged part of society - which never bodes well.
(None of this is to say stop trying - by god, please, keep on! The only way it changes is if the bad gets called and stomped out.)
The short answer to your question is yes. I have experienced that situation. And I personally think bdsm is a healthy way to divert unhealthy tendencies towards abusive relationships or self-abusive tendencies. I’m not actually involved in the physical community (I don’t go to munches or anything) but I do follow the community as best I can online. I think that the abuse seen in the BDSM community is a reflection of society at large, and I do think that abusive people may be drawn to the community with the idea that they can treat people like trash….But I also think that there is a LOT of emphasis on consent and emotional/physical safety. Any responsible community figure would make that a priority for their group. Upon being introduced to “The Community” I have read consistently that safety, sanity, and consent are the most important things to keep in mind. Personally, I haven’t experienced anybody from the community saying the types of things from the original post. That sounds more like something a shitty, drunk frat boy would say. Im sure if this was said on fetlife or something, the poster would be assaulted with people telling them to fuck off.